Part I


dont forget your knife

I know some people don’t like taking public transport, but we all have right?  We’ve all got our reasons for not liking it, some have reasons for liking it.  I like it, because I hate driving.  I like it too because further to this, you don’t have to think about where you’re going, how you’re getting there – someone else is.  It’s nice to be able to just sit back and read, or write or do some other work.  And I always feel safe – because I’m a gymnast you know? – Well, used to be.  And you know what that means on public transport? – It means that I’m gonna be one of the few people who can do a chin-up on the bar underneath the emergency exit, push it open with one hand, and then flip right through it when the bus – most of them are using natural gas now too – is crashed on the side of the road, pressed against a wall and engulfed in flames.  Too bad for anyone who isn’t flexible, athletic, strong or tall enough to get to the emergency exit… Survival of the fittest at its most prevalent here. – See ya!

Someone who really isn’t gonna be making it through that emergency exit, is your local bus catching junkie (one reason why many avoid public transport – weirdos).  These guys are funny though, because they’re the ones who are always hopping off the bus, going via the front door, and engaging in some kind of dialogue with the driver.  Whatever it is.  Like this is the guy who is going to empower this bus driver with his daily dose of knowledge from the street.  There could be a doctor on the bus – someone who might be able to teach him to dress a wound or something – but it’s the crazed junkie, arse crack hanging out of his pants, unmatched shoes (stolen) yellow teeth, black eyes and fingernails, who is offering advice or insight.  “Yeah, don’t worry about those young rude kids” he says, placing the bus driver’s hand in his grubby paw “I used to be like them too – hahahaha” now look at him.  Its like doctor Phil on a bus.  Bus driver: “Thanks for that today man, got any other advice – like some pointers on how im gonna make up the 5 mintues that you just wasted?”

Obviously I take public transport a lot (you saw me reasons above – is that acceptable?) – its almost an endless source of entertainment too, ill throw that in there.  Even political correctness reigns on public transport.  Id like to thank our governments.  You see, priority seating.  We al know about the priority seats right? – For the elderly, the pregnant, the fat sweaty office worker who doesn’t want to stand up for the 15 minute ride home and actually orders someone off the seat.  We know these seats right? – Tell me then, why the fuck does it had the “please vacate this seat for elderly, disabled, pregnant etc passengers” written in Braille? …  That’s right.  The blind guy sitting there is expected first of all, to read the sign – while he’s struggling through passengers (including the fat, sweaty office worker who can’t get one) to get to his seat before the bus driver lurches off and throws him into it, then he’s also expected to sense any of the above “elderly, disabled or pregnant” passengers boarding.  Fuck, I thought a blind person would just be allowed to sit there right? – Not have to be aware of these rules.  Obviously not.  You better be making sure you’re aware buddy.  Feeling up every passenger as they board.  “Hmmm, wrinkled, god.. that’s a strange arch in the back there – you must be old!” … “Oooh, wow.. they’re really saggy, and you’re wheeling your shopping behind you  – another old person! … Oh my, now that is a lump and a half.. Ooop, hang on, it’s a burger, you’re just fat, ill get up for the other two”…

I better go, I’ve got a bus to catch…

One thought on “Part I

  1. What I like is watching all the people who are trying with everything they have to pretend they haven’t noticed you staring at them. Or they have a newspaper or a magazine, and ipod earphones in their ears, all whilst wearing sunglasses at 6:30 in the morning. Is it possible to pretend any more than they already have that they don’t want to talk to you. Maybe the think they are too cool to interact, but, us people watchers know better. If they really didn’t want to interact then they would find a way to avoid it. People who take public transport want to be noticed; either for good reasons, or bad, they want to be seen somehow, by some one, just to know they have been noticed.

    Very interesting. I love public transport.


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